A Little Surprise - It's Mastitis

Yesterday while I was pumping my left breast was on the hard side and I had a quick thought pass through my head, "Man I hope that doesn't turn out to be mastitis."  The day went on and I wasn't feeling great but I chalked it up to several nights in a row with being woken up so much and not resting during the day, the way I'm supposed to.  We had dinner and swim lessons and I started to nurse Brecken as soon as Christian was asleep.  It immediately felt like my nipple was put in a stapler when he latched on the left side.  SO painful.  I pulled him off and grabbed it in pain and then I felt the warmth.  Oh my God, it is mastitis I thought.  I had it once before and waited it out through the night and became so so sick that night, I knew I had to call right away.  I called the hotline and nearly an hour later they called me back, only for me to miss the call.  I called them again and waited another 40 minutes for them to call again.  I was beginning to feel sicker and sicker as I waited.  I was telling Mark how the carseat is so hard for me to carry that my knuckles hurt.  Turns out it was joint pain from the mastitis.  Soon it was my hips and knees too.  I had all the symptoms: breast tenderness, red mark on the breast, pain while nursing, swolleness, it won't empty all the way & aches and pains...everything except a fever - so far.

Finally I spoke with the nurse and she confirms on the phone, yes you do have mastitis and need to be seen immediately GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.  She said the infection can spread to your blood stream so I needed to be checked out immediately.

I was surprised.  I thought they'd give me a antibiotic prescription over the phone.  Instead I headed over to St. John's by myself.  I brought some water a magazine and a book.  I no longer sat down in the waiting room and she called me for triage.  After that she confirmed I did have it and I got into a room right away and I sat in the chair rather than on the bed.  She closed the curtain in the room and the sound of it made me cringe.  I was immediately taken back, in my mind, to the NICU.  The nurse spoke to me as I sat in the visitor's chair rather than the patient's bed.  When she returned she told me to put on the gown and lay on the bed.  I did so when she left.  I gently laid on the bed refusing to remove my shoes, I was in no way going to get comfortable.  She came back and checked a couple things and said I appear to be dehydrated and needed to give me an IV of fluids to help my milk flow and production.  As I turned my head as she put in the IV I had a flashback to the IV they put in while I was in labor.  I closed my eyes and it was such an overwhelming feeling I started to cry.  I whispered to the nurse my son had been in the NICU and I haven't been in a hospital since and laying there was really difficult for me.  She was immediately concerned and asked if I wanted to change rooms.  I assured her it wasn't the particular room, more the overall experience.  She asked who brought me to the ER and I said I came alone and she said, "Oh honey, I think you need someone here with you."  She left and I called Mark crying and he couldn't even understand me.  I was like a was having a panic attack.  It was hard to breath and it took everything I had to stay in that bed.  Mark called his mom to come over and soon he was by my side.  I was so tired.  My eyes swollen from crying and my joints hurting so bad I couldn't hold my legs still.  I was checked by the doctor and had to have the full bag of IV fluids and a couple hours later I was discharged with a prescription and tips on how to get the breast unclogged.  I promised Mark I'd take it easy tomorrow (today).

It's hard to believe we're having, yet, another set back.  I just want to live a normal life.  It's so frustrating there's another thing to worry about.

Hopefully I don't have a strange and illogical fears of hospitals now.  Hopefully that was a one time feeling.  Hopefully I feel better soon.

The End of Spring Break

Today marks the end of Spring Break.  I have to admit, when it began I thought the timing wasn't perfect.  I had only been home with Brecken for three days before both kids were to be home for a solid  10.  However, becoming a family of five has been so much smoother than I ever imagined and it actually makes me sad they have to go back to school.  They've been playing so nicely together and are so creative in keeping busy I just love it.  Not to mention the love they shower Brecken with.  It's been an absolutely fantastic week and a half.  This will be the last week Christian goes to daycare.  Beginning next week I will drop them both off at school and pick up Christian and on non school days he will stay home with Brecken and me.  I think it will be great for them to have some 'boy time' together.  Victoria is thrilled she gets to go to school today.  I love how much she loves school.  I must admit, not being there is difficult for me.  I'm used to knowing everything that's going on and I love that we're neighbors and I love that if I want to see her at lunch I can just hang out with me students an extra couple minutes and get a chance to chat with her.  However, 3:40 does come around awfully fast when I'm busy with a baby all day.  This is the beginning of our new normal for the next 10 weeks.

My Favorite Librarian 2013 Edition

Way back in I Love to Read Month my favorite librarian came in to read and do a lesson with my first grade class.  As I say every single year: Man, she should be an elementary school teacher.

Her lesson, about codes, was spot on for the grade level.  

The students loved everything she did.

They were engaged and completely enthralled with her book choices. 

I kept her books for several weeks and had student after student after student ask to look at particular books she left.  

She patiently answered question after question making each student feel good for asking.

Thanks for making time to come into school each year Liv!

I know the students enjoy it, but it's totally one of the highlights of the year for me too!!

12 Years

12 years ago today I walked into a bar too late on a Sunday night and met my husband.  Sometimes it seems like a lifetime ago and sometimes I can remember that night like yesterday (I'll admit some parts of the night are a bit fuzzy;-).  It's amazing how much we've created together in the past dozen years, including three gorgeous and wonderful children.   

Happy "Anniversary" Honey

Finding the Eggs

Today is Brecken's first Easter.  He's pretty much been celebrating every three hours all night long, for an hour at a time.  Apparently holidays make him awfully hungry.  I am finally awake enough to pump and Christian just woke up so excited to see Easter Eggs among his LEGOS in his room.  His excitement is adorable, even at 5am.  I'm going to go and cuddle him while his little brother is sleeping only to wait for Victoria who I caught twice in the middle of the night roaming around "just looking" instead of sleeping.

It's going to be an egg-citing day!

Taking Time

Every time we take Brecken somewhere someone asks how old he is.  I immediately tell them how many days old he is.  They usually get a sweet look on their face as they coo and tilt their head, I suppose, hoping I'll lift the carseat cover, which I rarely do.

Today he is two weeks old.  Soon I won't count how old he is by days.  It will turn into weeks, which will turn into months.  It is so bittersweet.  He's such a little sack of flour right now that just melts into my body when I hold him.  He sleeps pretty much constantly which makes him the easiest baby I've ever seen.  He didn't cry a single time yesterday.  I suppose that is because I'm right there whenever he needs something, but still, not a peep?!

He's my little angel.  When someone visits I can't help but get close to the person holding him and also stroke his hair.  Yesterday we visited Laura and she and I were practically on top of each other on her couch both soaking in the baby love.  I started to say how much I love him and got choked up.  Because that's how much I love him.  My love for him is so deep it's difficult to put into words.

I've been trying to live in the moment with him.  Taking time each day to stare into his eyes and think about nothing but him.  Taking time to get comfortable before I start nursing him so he and I can stay there as long as needed.  Taking time holding his body close while he sleeps and watching his lips and eyes move ever so gently.  Taking time to grab my phone and photograph him sleeping over and over and over.

Slowly Getting Back to Normal

For a couple days now I've been keeping a close eye on Brecken's belly button.  It's gotten greenish with some discharge and it even started smelling yesterday.  I made an appointment for today last night at 8:50pm.  We couldn't get in with our own pediatrician but I just didn't want to wait another day in case it was infected.  Christian and I took him in at 11:20 today only to be surprised by our usual pediatrician.  He saw Brecken's name listed and switched things around so he could be the one who saw him.  That made my day.

It turned out there they left too much cord when they clipped it and it was beginning to rot.  How disgusting is that??!!  He cut most of it off and cauterized the rest of it.  Poor Christian had his hands over his eyes saying over and over, "Does that hurt him?"  He proceeded to do the two week check up so I don't have to go back on Tuesday.  Infants are supposed to gain an ounce a day.  In the six days it's been since we were there Brecken has gained 10 ounces which puts him at 8 pounds 14 ounces.  The doctor looked right at me and said, "Here's your proof he's a healthy growing baby."  It made me so happy.  Finally (knock on wood) things seem to be going our way.

After the appointment Victoria had a friend's birthday party at the Skating Rink.  I brought all three of them so Christian could get some energy out too at Open Skating and I kept Brecken concealed for 99.99% of it.  Mark met us there so I could take Christian and Brecken home so we wouldn't have to stay for the whole three hours.

Mark's brother Johnny stopped for a visit and got to feed Brecken a full four ounces from a bottle.

Then we had a quick dinner and headed off to swim lessons.  Mark and I divided and conquered again.  I took Christian and Brecken and Mark met us for Victoria's lesson and then we left and I had C in bed before they even got home.

Brecken slept through, pretty much, the entire day, except when I woke him every three hours to eat.  I have a feeling I'm going to pay for the tomorrow.

It feels good to have energy and be busy again.