Brecken's Post-Op

Brecken had his post-op today.  The surgeon came in and shook my hand and then put his hand on my should and said, "I want you to know I prayed for you and your family last time I saw you."  Since just three weeks ago he called it a 'tragedy'  I wasn't surprised.  He checked Brecken over and said he's "Cautiously optimistic" and we need to go back in three months for an ultrasound for more conclusive information.  However, so far, so good.

You Know You're Tired

You know you're tired when you drive right past the school you've worked at for over a decade and forgot to drop your child off.

You know you're tired when you're on your way to Toys R Us but suddenly find yourself in the parking lot of Walmart in a different city.

I think it's a good day for a nap.

My Used to Be Baby

Just over three weeks ago, Christian was my baby.  Suddenly, he became our middle child.  Since then he's grown.  Physically and emotionally.  I'm not sure how much he's actually physically grown in the last 23 days, but man, I can really tell.  I can tell when I hold his hand and I notice it's thicker and stronger.  I notice when I pick him up and take him to his own bed in the dead of the night when, once again, he comes in to peek at his brother and falls asleep hanging off the side of my bed.  I notice when he's standing next to Victoria and she doesn't have but maybe an inch on him.  He's grown emotionally too.  I notice when he grabs a dirty diaper and tosses it in the trash without being told or expecting a compliment.  I notice when he grabs a Nuk for Brecken just because he's fussing.  I notice when he can get completely ready, including brushing his teeth, all without even being told.  I notice when he gently sings the ABC's to the baby and then smiles and walks again.

Suddenly my 'baby' turned into a big boy when I wasn't looking.

A Little Surprise - It's Mastitis

Yesterday while I was pumping my left breast was on the hard side and I had a quick thought pass through my head, "Man I hope that doesn't turn out to be mastitis."  The day went on and I wasn't feeling great but I chalked it up to several nights in a row with being woken up so much and not resting during the day, the way I'm supposed to.  We had dinner and swim lessons and I started to nurse Brecken as soon as Christian was asleep.  It immediately felt like my nipple was put in a stapler when he latched on the left side.  SO painful.  I pulled him off and grabbed it in pain and then I felt the warmth.  Oh my God, it is mastitis I thought.  I had it once before and waited it out through the night and became so so sick that night, I knew I had to call right away.  I called the hotline and nearly an hour later they called me back, only for me to miss the call.  I called them again and waited another 40 minutes for them to call again.  I was beginning to feel sicker and sicker as I waited.  I was telling Mark how the carseat is so hard for me to carry that my knuckles hurt.  Turns out it was joint pain from the mastitis.  Soon it was my hips and knees too.  I had all the symptoms: breast tenderness, red mark on the breast, pain while nursing, swolleness, it won't empty all the way & aches and pains...everything except a fever - so far.

Finally I spoke with the nurse and she confirms on the phone, yes you do have mastitis and need to be seen immediately GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.  She said the infection can spread to your blood stream so I needed to be checked out immediately.

I was surprised.  I thought they'd give me a antibiotic prescription over the phone.  Instead I headed over to St. John's by myself.  I brought some water a magazine and a book.  I no longer sat down in the waiting room and she called me for triage.  After that she confirmed I did have it and I got into a room right away and I sat in the chair rather than on the bed.  She closed the curtain in the room and the sound of it made me cringe.  I was immediately taken back, in my mind, to the NICU.  The nurse spoke to me as I sat in the visitor's chair rather than the patient's bed.  When she returned she told me to put on the gown and lay on the bed.  I did so when she left.  I gently laid on the bed refusing to remove my shoes, I was in no way going to get comfortable.  She came back and checked a couple things and said I appear to be dehydrated and needed to give me an IV of fluids to help my milk flow and production.  As I turned my head as she put in the IV I had a flashback to the IV they put in while I was in labor.  I closed my eyes and it was such an overwhelming feeling I started to cry.  I whispered to the nurse my son had been in the NICU and I haven't been in a hospital since and laying there was really difficult for me.  She was immediately concerned and asked if I wanted to change rooms.  I assured her it wasn't the particular room, more the overall experience.  She asked who brought me to the ER and I said I came alone and she said, "Oh honey, I think you need someone here with you."  She left and I called Mark crying and he couldn't even understand me.  I was like a was having a panic attack.  It was hard to breath and it took everything I had to stay in that bed.  Mark called his mom to come over and soon he was by my side.  I was so tired.  My eyes swollen from crying and my joints hurting so bad I couldn't hold my legs still.  I was checked by the doctor and had to have the full bag of IV fluids and a couple hours later I was discharged with a prescription and tips on how to get the breast unclogged.  I promised Mark I'd take it easy tomorrow (today).

It's hard to believe we're having, yet, another set back.  I just want to live a normal life.  It's so frustrating there's another thing to worry about.

Hopefully I don't have a strange and illogical fears of hospitals now.  Hopefully that was a one time feeling.  Hopefully I feel better soon.

The End of Spring Break

Today marks the end of Spring Break.  I have to admit, when it began I thought the timing wasn't perfect.  I had only been home with Brecken for three days before both kids were to be home for a solid  10.  However, becoming a family of five has been so much smoother than I ever imagined and it actually makes me sad they have to go back to school.  They've been playing so nicely together and are so creative in keeping busy I just love it.  Not to mention the love they shower Brecken with.  It's been an absolutely fantastic week and a half.  This will be the last week Christian goes to daycare.  Beginning next week I will drop them both off at school and pick up Christian and on non school days he will stay home with Brecken and me.  I think it will be great for them to have some 'boy time' together.  Victoria is thrilled she gets to go to school today.  I love how much she loves school.  I must admit, not being there is difficult for me.  I'm used to knowing everything that's going on and I love that we're neighbors and I love that if I want to see her at lunch I can just hang out with me students an extra couple minutes and get a chance to chat with her.  However, 3:40 does come around awfully fast when I'm busy with a baby all day.  This is the beginning of our new normal for the next 10 weeks.

My Favorite Librarian 2013 Edition

Way back in I Love to Read Month my favorite librarian came in to read and do a lesson with my first grade class.  As I say every single year: Man, she should be an elementary school teacher.

Her lesson, about codes, was spot on for the grade level.  

The students loved everything she did.

They were engaged and completely enthralled with her book choices. 

I kept her books for several weeks and had student after student after student ask to look at particular books she left.  

She patiently answered question after question making each student feel good for asking.

Thanks for making time to come into school each year Liv!

I know the students enjoy it, but it's totally one of the highlights of the year for me too!!

12 Years

12 years ago today I walked into a bar too late on a Sunday night and met my husband.  Sometimes it seems like a lifetime ago and sometimes I can remember that night like yesterday (I'll admit some parts of the night are a bit fuzzy;-).  It's amazing how much we've created together in the past dozen years, including three gorgeous and wonderful children.   

Happy "Anniversary" Honey