Being a Mommy

Being a mommy on any day is hard.  It's also amazing and incredible.  But very often it's hard.  Like, every single day it's hard in some way.

Today a teacher came back to work after being with her infant son for the last twelve weeks.  We all remember that first day back.  It's painful.  Nope.  It's torture.  It's a day you never forget.  Even after three kids, and a FIVE month maternity leave, it was painful.

Today I also threw a shower for a first time mom.  I wrote her a two page letter about what a magical time this is.  And how difficult motherhood is.  It is magical and amazing and hard all at once.  It seems, forever.  That's pretty much what I've gotten out of this gig I've been living for the last (nearly) eight years.  It's totally awesome and pretty much difficult ever day.  But, after I typed that, I wonder, isn't everything worth really amazing?  It's not easy to get to Playa del Carmen.  My job is hard every day.  Marriage is beautiful but trying.

I listened as moms threw in their advice about what to do with what.  And what their baby liked.  And how they know that book by heart...still.

When I was given baby showers way back in '06 I have to admit, I was annoyed by these moms.  What, exactly, does your baby (who is probably 17 by now) having liked Fox in Socks each and every night have to do with my unborn child exactly?

Now I get it.

I so get it.

It's looking at this woman who's belly is practically out to her knees when sitting and thinking, "You don't know.  You have no idea how your heart is going to grow."

Even though this shower was supposed to be a couple weeks ago at Laura's amazing house, then was rescheduled for the following morning, but school was canceled due to the snow, we finally had it today in the media center at school.

It was not what I envisioned, but it did the trick.  We celebrated that baby.  We ate cake, played some fun games (yes, I created some pretty cute games!!!) and watched J open some very thoughtful gifts.

Every mom in the room reminisced whether they shared or not.  I know several of the ladies there wished they were the one in that rocking chair.  I hope and pray they will preggers soon.

It was an emotional day.  I sped home hoping I'd make it in time for Brecken's before bottle.  I did.  I sang him our songs.  I rubbed his little eyebrows.  I caressed his chubby fist holding his bottle.  I thought of the nights I dreamt of touching him.  I am so very thankful we have him to complete our family.  With his birthday approaching, I often think about where I was one year ago.  I was exactly where J is now.  Two centimeters dilated.   Wondering.  Dreaming. Hoping. Wishing.

One year flies by.  As my friend Amanda told me when Victoria was an infant: The days creep by when they're little, but the years fly by when they're older.

So true.