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Monday, May 11, 2015

Only Nine Days Left - Our Home

Tonight we packed kind of the last of the last.  Really we probably have like five more last of the lasts…but tonight we packed the bathroom….Brecken's room as he slept… Christian's closet as he slept…

The kitchen is down to the bare essentials…which feels good.

However, the emotions hit hard tonight.  I've been having a hard time with emotions in the last four months.  I have pushed a lot back down.  Tonight I was literally packing box after box while talking to Liv about her Grandma's wake that I will go to tomorrow.  When you have a whole life of memories with a friend….it's almost like losing your own grandma….

I don't know if it was that combo…or what…

But boy oh boy did the emotions come out tonight.

I have to say…I am sad.  I am break down on the floor sad…can't stop crying sad…about leaving this house.

I feel so guilty about feeling sad because we are teaching our children to be grateful for everything they have.

Yet, I'm crying about moving (which I've wanted to for years)….into a house twice the size and a yard that's 6 times the size and a garages 1,000,000 times the size.   Trying to make myself feel better…here  Right now I wish I hated this house.

I want to think about the shit ass driveway.  The small kitchen that gets way too hot in the afternoon.  Only two bathrooms. That 8 minute drive to school/daycare totally sucks…oh yeah…what's really nice..

Really there's not too much to say…except we are so blessed to have had so many amazing memories in this house.  Our home.

I took a Friday off ten years ago to house hunt.  It was the first one we looked at.  I loved the area (We only lived two blocks away)  We loved it.  We scooped it up immediately and moved in, in less than 6 weeks.  We are only the second owners of this home.  We love our neighbor, Mr. Lloyd.  And he loves us.  That's a whole other post.

We moved in as newlyweds.  We grilled on our driveway that summer.  Soon, I was pregnant with our first child.  Mark added a sliding door, deck, another bathroom, another bedroom, a bay window, among so many other improvements.

We brought three infants home here.

We have entertained probably more than anyone you know.  Seriously.  Huge 100 people parties to several nights a week having people over.  Because we LOVE to entertain.

But off all the memories….my very very most special… memories in my heart…  are the birthday parties.  Mark's 30th.  Victoria's first princess party…the year we decided to bring in a petting zoo..for three years.  Who doesn't want a pony on their birthday?  Victoria's second Elmo birthday that snowed on April 28 and we had to force the great party I had planned into the basement….Brecken's second Mickey Mouse birthday that will be our last party here.  (Christian's parties are not mentioned only because in the middle of winter we had the parties 'off site.')

Typing all this out has made me feel so much better.

We will "move forward" which seems to be the mantra in my life in more ways than one.  It is a good thing and I totally know that.  I just wish it wasn't' so hard.

What is the Dr. Seuss phrase????  Don't cry because it's over…smile because it happened.   I will convince everyone to smile and save the 19th for me to cry.  Because I make the rules.  And I can't help it.

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