Birthday Books

After each birthday party, for each child, each year, I make them a birthday book.  I had a free book coupon for a while now (expires at midnight) and decided I would do an 8X8 for Christian's book.  I got the entire thing done tonight.  It's ordered.  It was fun.

The trouble is Brecken's second book should be close to being finished with his party coming up this weekend.  However, I am still on the page where he's in the NICU.  I sit and look at the pictures and cry and cry.  I can't think straight.  I don't know what to write.  I don't want to leave out too much, but I also don't want to add the sadness into his book.

I just made Christian's in one night.  I told myself, less is more.

Hopefully one day (soon) I can get myself together enough to finish Brecken's FIRST year book.

Look Who's Two!

Dear Brecken,
   With your birthday comes excitement and tears.  Happy tears.  We've been through so much since that morning you were born.  You've brought me to a whole new level of parenting.  You have taught me so much.  I truly could not love you anymore than I do.  I love everything about you.  The good and the difficult, I wouldn't change one thing.  You are perfect.

You were less than a week old in these pictures. 

I was stressed and exhausted.

I remember that…

but when I look at these pictures all I see is love.

 

You were actually hungry and wanted to eat my face.

I'm so grateful we have these gorgeous pictures to remind us how small you once were.

Being small didn't last long!

You are the biggest Humphrey baby and toddler!

You grow so fast!

You're catching up to your brother.

He has accidentally worn your clothes more than once!

As you turn two you want nothing more than to be a Big Kid.

You've been climbing out of your crib for a couple months now.

I've given up trying to keep you in it.

When you wake you climb out and knock on your door asking for me.

You often try to escape your carseat and quickly climb way into the back to sit by Christian aka CheeChee.

You want nothing to do with highchairs.  You will kneel or stand on a regular chair and eat just fine.

You started using utensils and a napkin very early.  You just want to fit in with the rest of the family.

At bedtime you want story after story.  One night I wanted to see how long you'd read for.  After 50 minutes I gave up and finally put you in your crib.  

You don't want to be carried; you want to walk independently.  

Even if I need to hold your hand you pull away and just want to walk.

At the park you run and climb with CheeChee & Sissy with no problem…

except when you run and laugh and fall on your cute little face.

You are potty training yourself.

You love your Big Boy undies.  

You cheer for yourself every time you go even if everyone else forgot to cheer!

Even though you really want to be a Big Kid you're still a typical two year old who 

LOVES Elmo.  Or should I say Melmo?  You lay your stuffed Elmo down for a nap and shhhush all of us, with your little pointer finger flat against your lips, because he's sleeping.  Elmo is the only thing you'll sit still for.  Elmo is currently teaching you the ABC's on youtube.  You love it and you're beginning to recognize your letters!

You also LOVE Mickey Mouse.

You call him Mee Mee.

You will have a Mickey Mouse birthday party in a couple weeks and a Mickey Mouse room when we move in a couple months.  You will only sit still for the intro of the Mickey Mouse cartoon, however, you love his books and anything else with his picture on it.

Your favorite foods is cheesecake.  However, you're not picky.

Your favorite books are Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, I Spy (you're amazingly good at spotting things and won't stop looking until you find it!), & The Little Blue Truck.

Your favorite friend is Lyla at daycare.

Your favorite activity is the water park.

You LOVE the Lazy River with Mommy.

You go down the slides with ease.

But most of all you LOVE your Sissy and CheeChee.

You follow them.  Sometimes, even lead them.

The three of you get along perfectly.

Nobody could have completed our family more perfectly than you.

Looking forward to celebrating you non-stop for the next two weeks!

Love you the mostest,

Mommy

Our First Grade Star

This little dude was Star of the Week the week of Halloween.

Being a teacher and dishing out the Star of the Week each Friday morning 

without so much as a thought about it…

being the mommy of the Star of the Week gives a whole new perspective to the importance of this.

This is the highlight of Christian's year!

It's amazing how excited he gets.

I must say his teacher goes ALL out!

On Friday each student makes a page about why the Star is special and she binds it and sends it home (on the same day!) 

She is amazing!  She truly makes each and every kid feel so special each and every day.

At the ripe ol' age of six Christian's favorites are:

Place - Casa Bonita - although MANY Colorado pics were in the running

Thing to do - Go to Yogi

Wish - to have a horse

To be - A Firefighter

Letter to our Star: 

October 31, 2014

Dear Christian,

            The second you were born, you and I had such a special connection.  You looked into my eyes and we immediately loved each other!   When you were little you were a wild little boy.  You loved to run and play.  Much like your little brother now!  You were simply adorable.  Some nights I didn’t want to put you in your crib because you liked to snuggle and read before bedtime. 

            Your most favorite thing to do in the whole wide world is to play catch with daddy.  I think you’d play forever if we didn’t make you stop!  You are a natural athlete and we are so proud of you!

            As you got a little older, you and Victoria formed such a special bond.  You’re often asked if you two are twins, you’re so closeJ!   I love to see the creative games you two come up with to play together.  You make a wonderful little brother.

            When you were in preschool your little brother was born.  I was worried a lot about how you’d feel about our new baby.  Guess what!  You loved that baby the most of all.  You’ve been protecting him from that very first afternoon you met him in the hospital.  I’ll never forget your little face peering at him through the crib bars because you didn’t want to leave him.  As he’s getting older you read to him, teach him how to stack blocks and teach him how to have fun.  When he sees you in the morning he bounces in his crib because he’s so happy to see, I can feel the love between the two of you.  You are the BEST BIG BROTHER EVER!

            We are all so proud of what a hard worker you are at school.  We love what a good friend you are.  Keep up all of your hard work.   You are so special!

                                                                        Tons of love,

                                                                        Mommy

Our New Home

Our New House

Our current home, The Maplewood house, has been on the market since mid-November.  Yesterday we had our 30th showing.  Not a single bite.

We took a huge leap and bought another house without selling ours.

If we still own it in a couple months, we will take down the For Sale Sign and look for renters.

Mark and I first saw our "new house" back in November.

Just a couple weeks ago we got to go back in it for the inspection and we were able to take the kids with us.  Since we've lived just four miles from school this new commute is something we will have to get used to.

It seems Victoria won't mind much.

Pulling up!

The second before they walked into their new house for the very first time!

Wait, what?  You don't like the GREEN toilet?

Let's just say there will be a lot of updating in our new home!

Loving all of the space to run, dance and slide across the floor.

The lake across the street from the front.

Our huge dated kitchen.  I see more cooking in my future!

Brecken's new room!

The blue bathroom.

I'm sure this bathroom was amazing in '78.

One of my most favorite things about this house is the deck that not only wraps around two sides of the house but bumps out in the corner for the table and chairs.

You walk through a small forest in the backyard and you're at the pond.

The sun was setting as Mark and I stood there hugging talking about how amazing this is!

Our first selfie at our new home.

After spending a few hours there we went out to eat (just the two of us - my parents took our kids back to our house) and gushed on and on about how we've never felt happier and how this is truly a dream of ours.  

I hope we never forget the happiness we felt this day.

I hope this home holds as many wonderful memories as our current home does….if not more!

Look Who's Seven

Dear Christian,

You are seven.  You seem so big.  Your ankles peeking out of most of your jammies and a lot of your pants.  I have to secretly pull them out of your drawers because you have such a hard time letting them go.  

You asked for a mouse over and over for Christmas.  Daddy and I said, “No,”  but Santa blessed you with Hammy the Hamster.  Oh my goodness, I am so glad Santa did that.  You love Hammy so much, sometimes you get tears in your eyes talking about him.  You are so sensitive.  I love that about you!  For several years now around your birthday I think about all that you are and every year I mention how you still hold my hand every chance you get.  You still love to cuddle during and after stories at night.  Lately you ask me to sleep with you all night long, just once, saying with a huge smile, “I would sleep soooo good cuddled with you Mommy!”  I must admit, I’m tempted.  I wouldn’t mind wrapping my arms around your skinny little body and kissing your head over and over as you slept. 

 I love you so much and am so proud of the big boy you are becoming.  I couldn't love you any more than I do today. . .however, tomorrow I may change my mind.

Birthday Morning…The Birthday Bird struck again.

A super quick lunch at McDonald's.

You forgot your tennis shoes at home and it was a gym day so we had to run home first.

Luckily you got a new Spiderman digital watch and you kept us on track.

We had to run from the minivan to pick up my class, but it was so worth it!

Happy Birthday to my super sweet, sensitive, athletic, smart, creative and loving little boy.

In Less Than Two Weeks

In less than two weeks…

I had surgery.
Tony died.
Tegan gave birth to baby Leighton.
My dad is hospitalized.
We had another showing today.
Conferences and long days loom ahead this week.

It is just about enough to put me over the edge.

My friend Sue offered to take the kids during the showing.
I said, "Oh, no thank you."  But she offered several times.  The kids adore her, so….

I took her up on it and grocery shopped at Target.  Alone.
Then when I went to pick up the kids she insisted on keeping the big kids longer.

I came home.  Read to Brecken.  Put him down for a nap (which entailed teaching him how to climb into the crib since nobody was here to help me lift him).  Put away the groceries.  Ate lunch in peace.  Watched TV. Read.

It was peaceful.  Just what I needed.

Dear Tony

*Originally written on January 10, 2015.  Not sure if or when I'll post this.

Dear Tony,
    I finally went to your house today.  Amanda wanted me to bring Christian to play with Rosie.  As expected, Rosie is having a hard time with you not being there.  Your house was filled with your in-laws.  Amanda's sister kept referring to you as Uncle T.  It was cute.  She's been helping Amanda tons with all of the arrangements.  Your neighbors have been extremely generous and helpful too.
    At one point today we were all laughing at your kitchen table and I looked up at the doorway to the hall and for a split second, expected you to come around the corner smiling and laughing.  I thought being in your house might make it seem more real for me.  But it didn't.  It actually made it worse.
    Amanda was saying a couple of your friends stopped by.  Just to check in.  Just because they wanted or needed to be at your house.  Amanda was just leaving, so she told them, "Please come back.  Come back anytime.  I will drop what I'm doing to talk to you.  To hear what you have to say.  To hear you share a memory."  She got tears in her eyes and looked off.  She misses you so!
   Christian and I stopped and got a bag of junk food on the way to your house.  We did bring a bag of fruits and veggies too…I didn't want to be too annoying…

The entire bag accidentally poured onto Christian's plate, right on top of his Oreos.

It was hilarious.

Christian was a disaster.

Orange face.  Orange fingers.  What a mess.

I said, "Hey Dude, you better learn how to eat."

Then I cracked up and Amanda started laughing because you always used to say that to him at Yogi.

I told the story of when he was about 3 years old and ate so fast he puked his whole meal back on his plate and you looked at him and said, "Dude!  You need to learn how to eat!  You don't want to be the kid puking on his plate in kindergarten!"  It's been an ongoing joke for years.  Today, it really lightened the mood.  We all needed that.

Christian and Rosie played hockey in your basement.  Amanda is taking Rosie to hockey practice tomorrow.  Amanda said, "Tony would have wanted me to take her."  She also wants to learn how to help Rosie put all her gear on.  She doing a great job in being there for them in all the ways you were.

One of your Duluth buddies put this amazing four minutes of you playing hockey in your junior year and you scored two goals in the final game.

You were interviewed after the game.

It was incredible.  I'm so glad I saw it.

I sure wished I would have watched it with you.

I would have loved to tease you.

Instead tears streamed down my face and I couldn't catch my breath.

I told your neighbor, Scott, I have a ton of great pictures of you and would be happy to share them with him for the slide show he's putting together.

I cannot believe how few I actually have.

I immediately pulled up our Yogi pictures.

Victoria and Christian loved looking for pictures of you.

Sure there are pics of you, Mark & Beth shot gunning beers that first year.

But that's not quite the level of appropriateness I was hoping for.

I found a couple cute ones.

But I am disappointed I didn't have more to share.

I bet you're thinking if I would have put down that beer down once in a while, I would have more pictures.  So true, my friend.  Wish I had.

I wrote a blog about you on the day you passed away.

I mentioned that you were the funniest texter.

I woke in the middle of the night last night  

and had a feeling we hadn't texted since I had this new phone.

I scrolled and scrolled and was so relieved.

There they were.

The joking texts about the dirty RV in the Walmart parking lot saying Walter White was there.

You thanked me for bring you "blue stuff" and balloons on your bday.

I sent you a pic back of Amanda and all of our kids playing at the park by your house saying you missed out on all the fun.

The last one was a pic you sent me of Amanda with this massive thing of brussel sprouts you brought home from a farmer's market from the side of the road after work, with the caption "Isn't she hot?"

Damn, you were so funny.

Your death has affected so many people.

You were so loved. 

You are going to be so missed by so many.

I know you already know, but we will continue to be there for Amanda and Joe and Rosie forever.

Not just in the next few weeks, months or years, but forever.  

Oh T. Burns how you're so missed.

My friend's husband didn't just pass away on Thursday.

My friend did too.