Look Who's Seven

Dear Christian,

You are seven.  You seem so big.  Your ankles peeking out of most of your jammies and a lot of your pants.  I have to secretly pull them out of your drawers because you have such a hard time letting them go.  

You asked for a mouse over and over for Christmas.  Daddy and I said, “No,”  but Santa blessed you with Hammy the Hamster.  Oh my goodness, I am so glad Santa did that.  You love Hammy so much, sometimes you get tears in your eyes talking about him.  You are so sensitive.  I love that about you!  For several years now around your birthday I think about all that you are and every year I mention how you still hold my hand every chance you get.  You still love to cuddle during and after stories at night.  Lately you ask me to sleep with you all night long, just once, saying with a huge smile, “I would sleep soooo good cuddled with you Mommy!”  I must admit, I’m tempted.  I wouldn’t mind wrapping my arms around your skinny little body and kissing your head over and over as you slept. 

 I love you so much and am so proud of the big boy you are becoming.  I couldn't love you any more than I do today. . .however, tomorrow I may change my mind.

Birthday Morning…The Birthday Bird struck again.

A super quick lunch at McDonald's.

You forgot your tennis shoes at home and it was a gym day so we had to run home first.

Luckily you got a new Spiderman digital watch and you kept us on track.

We had to run from the minivan to pick up my class, but it was so worth it!

Happy Birthday to my super sweet, sensitive, athletic, smart, creative and loving little boy.

In Less Than Two Weeks

In less than two weeks…

I had surgery.
Tony died.
Tegan gave birth to baby Leighton.
My dad is hospitalized.
We had another showing today.
Conferences and long days loom ahead this week.

It is just about enough to put me over the edge.

My friend Sue offered to take the kids during the showing.
I said, "Oh, no thank you."  But she offered several times.  The kids adore her, so….

I took her up on it and grocery shopped at Target.  Alone.
Then when I went to pick up the kids she insisted on keeping the big kids longer.

I came home.  Read to Brecken.  Put him down for a nap (which entailed teaching him how to climb into the crib since nobody was here to help me lift him).  Put away the groceries.  Ate lunch in peace.  Watched TV. Read.

It was peaceful.  Just what I needed.

Dear Tony

*Originally written on January 10, 2015.  Not sure if or when I'll post this.

Dear Tony,
    I finally went to your house today.  Amanda wanted me to bring Christian to play with Rosie.  As expected, Rosie is having a hard time with you not being there.  Your house was filled with your in-laws.  Amanda's sister kept referring to you as Uncle T.  It was cute.  She's been helping Amanda tons with all of the arrangements.  Your neighbors have been extremely generous and helpful too.
    At one point today we were all laughing at your kitchen table and I looked up at the doorway to the hall and for a split second, expected you to come around the corner smiling and laughing.  I thought being in your house might make it seem more real for me.  But it didn't.  It actually made it worse.
    Amanda was saying a couple of your friends stopped by.  Just to check in.  Just because they wanted or needed to be at your house.  Amanda was just leaving, so she told them, "Please come back.  Come back anytime.  I will drop what I'm doing to talk to you.  To hear what you have to say.  To hear you share a memory."  She got tears in her eyes and looked off.  She misses you so!
   Christian and I stopped and got a bag of junk food on the way to your house.  We did bring a bag of fruits and veggies too…I didn't want to be too annoying…

The entire bag accidentally poured onto Christian's plate, right on top of his Oreos.

It was hilarious.

Christian was a disaster.

Orange face.  Orange fingers.  What a mess.

I said, "Hey Dude, you better learn how to eat."

Then I cracked up and Amanda started laughing because you always used to say that to him at Yogi.

I told the story of when he was about 3 years old and ate so fast he puked his whole meal back on his plate and you looked at him and said, "Dude!  You need to learn how to eat!  You don't want to be the kid puking on his plate in kindergarten!"  It's been an ongoing joke for years.  Today, it really lightened the mood.  We all needed that.

Christian and Rosie played hockey in your basement.  Amanda is taking Rosie to hockey practice tomorrow.  Amanda said, "Tony would have wanted me to take her."  She also wants to learn how to help Rosie put all her gear on.  She doing a great job in being there for them in all the ways you were.

One of your Duluth buddies put this amazing four minutes of you playing hockey in your junior year and you scored two goals in the final game.

You were interviewed after the game.

It was incredible.  I'm so glad I saw it.

I sure wished I would have watched it with you.

I would have loved to tease you.

Instead tears streamed down my face and I couldn't catch my breath.

I told your neighbor, Scott, I have a ton of great pictures of you and would be happy to share them with him for the slide show he's putting together.

I cannot believe how few I actually have.

I immediately pulled up our Yogi pictures.

Victoria and Christian loved looking for pictures of you.

Sure there are pics of you, Mark & Beth shot gunning beers that first year.

But that's not quite the level of appropriateness I was hoping for.

I found a couple cute ones.

But I am disappointed I didn't have more to share.

I bet you're thinking if I would have put down that beer down once in a while, I would have more pictures.  So true, my friend.  Wish I had.

I wrote a blog about you on the day you passed away.

I mentioned that you were the funniest texter.

I woke in the middle of the night last night  

and had a feeling we hadn't texted since I had this new phone.

I scrolled and scrolled and was so relieved.

There they were.

The joking texts about the dirty RV in the Walmart parking lot saying Walter White was there.

You thanked me for bring you "blue stuff" and balloons on your bday.

I sent you a pic back of Amanda and all of our kids playing at the park by your house saying you missed out on all the fun.

The last one was a pic you sent me of Amanda with this massive thing of brussel sprouts you brought home from a farmer's market from the side of the road after work, with the caption "Isn't she hot?"

Damn, you were so funny.

Your death has affected so many people.

You were so loved. 

You are going to be so missed by so many.

I know you already know, but we will continue to be there for Amanda and Joe and Rosie forever.

Not just in the next few weeks, months or years, but forever.  

Oh T. Burns how you're so missed.

My friend's husband didn't just pass away on Thursday.

My friend did too.

Suddenly Gone

A few days ago I remember thinking that I couldn't wait until Thursday.  My surgery would be behind me and I'd be on the road to recovery.  What I didn't know, is that today;  Thursday;  Would be one of the worst days of my life.

I woke to Mark's phone ringing.  It was Laura.  I figured she was just checking on me.  Instead she said, "I'm at your door."  I knew something was very very wrong.  Mark went to let her in.  I could hear them talking under their breaths at the door.  At that time I was still in extreme pain and really couldn't get anywhere without Mark.  I ended up rolling out of the bed and managed to get to the hall and shouted, "Let her in!"  She came around the corner.  She and I laid in my bed and she held my hand as I begged her to tell me what was wrong.

Our teammate's 43 year old husband died suddenly and unexpectantly in his sleep.

I couldn't believe it.  I didn't want to believe it.

A million things were running through my mind.  My poor poor friend.  Her children.  Her children that I love like my own.  Their families.  Financial responsibilities.  This day will forever change them.

So many questions.  So many concerns.

Laura stayed for nearly an hour.  Then she left to go and be with her.

I was devastated I was not able to go to.  I wanted to be there for my friend.  For her kids.

The only way I could help was to reach out to people that she would want to know…but yet not close enough for her to make personal calls.  So I texted teachers to call me during their preps.  I called friends.  I said those words over and over today.  Until I was numb.

After school we had to tell our children.  They've never known anyone who had passed away.  They asked confirmation their friends' daddy was now in heaven and never coming back.  They sobbed and clung to us.  They had many questions.

Tonight instead of reading we cuddled in the dark and let them ask questions and talked about fun times we had with him.  We pulled up all of our Yogi pics from over the years and we all got excited pointing and saying, "There he is!"  Throwing Christian in the pool.  Huddled with his adorable family all in their bathing suits.

I loved getting to know him.  Loved watching him parent at Yogi.  Loved watching him gently tease Christian about being a messy eater.  Loved texting with him.  Funniest texter ever.  Loved watching him love his wife.  He really was a great guy who will be so deeply missed.

Here Comes Valentine's Day

For years I loved shopping.  Most of my life really.  I officially do not love it any longer.  I find it cumbersome and a bit annoying.  I really dread it most of the time lately (maybe that has to do with putting Brecken in a cart equates with poking his eyes out with daggers).  No that is not dramatic.

Even though I've always loved shopping, my most favorite day of the year to do it has been December 26th for years.  

Until the last couple years.  Not only are the sales not as good as they used to, but I also don't need shit like I used to (think I needed at least).  However, this year I walked into Target to get milk on what happened to be December 26th.  I only went down the Christmas aisle for old time's sake…but I am no longer one of those crazy ladies pushing to get at the Elf on the Shelf game that is 50% off.  Well, ok, I was like a little ninja and grabbed that one.  (Seriously, Victoria got one for Christmas and Brecken is obsessed with that elf that he can actually touch so I figure two is better than one!)  

All that fuss didn't truly excite me.  And now that Brecken was finally seated and securely strapped in I told the kids we'd just go around the store for fun.

Low and behold……

They had already begun stocking for Valentine's Day!  Cue Cupid!

OMG!  The greatest day of the year!!  

I don't understand why people wait for the day after Thanksgiving to start celebrating Christmas.  And it beyond annoys me if someone comments on the account that my kids always gets their picture taken with Santa prior to that.  

So when people show a distaste for celebrating Valentine's Day in December that is crazy to me!  Best day of the year people!  

My friend at school mentioned, that I bought a gift for "everyone" at school.  When you work there and your kids go to school there that really does pretty much create a cause for buying a gift for everyone.  

However, the ONE person I didn't buy for was Brecken's new teacher.  OMG.  Seriously.  What the…

I texted Laura and told her and she said, "I know you'll make it up on Valentine's Day."  

Perfect!

That's what I love about Valentine's Day.  Low stress, and nobody expects anything.

It's truly the best day of the year!

 

The End of the Semester

I took two grad. school classes this semester.  That means I received the books and work in September and have until December 31st to complete them both.  I told myself and others, that I would have one done in October and the other finished over Thanksgiving break so they would both be done before we left for Mexico.  If you know me at all, you can predict not one book was even opened until….wait for it…we were on the plane to Mexico.  I actually finished half of a class on the second leg.  A special thanks to Liv who set me up to work offline on a google doc!  Gracias!

Unfortunately I came home so sick I couldn't think of reading let alone actually writing my ideas down.  

That left winter break.

In the last few days I've finished both.  "Why do I wait this long?" I asked Mark.  "Because if you didn't you'd just fill these days with something else.  You're crazy like that."

So there you have it.  I'm crazy like that.  I only signed up for one class this spring.  Which spring starts in January 1st.  I'm planning on working on it while I'm recovering in bed from my surgery.

Any bets on if this will actually happen??

Many Uses for a Pregnancy Test

The Monday we got back from Mexico I picked the kids up from school and was making dinner.  Christian said, "Mom, can I do art?"  My answer is (almost) always YES!  That means he and probably the others will sit down at the table and create.  I love it.

We have a huge cabinet in the bathroom that the bottom portion has turned into the Art Closet over the years.  I recently threw quite a bit out and gave bags and bags of goodies to daycare and took a bunch more to school.  Still, we have way more than a normal family would ever have.  So he went in, rummaged around and came back out.  He quietly sat down at the kitchen table and started to create art with a USED PREGNANCY TEST!!!!


I just about died!

He took the cap off and rubbed it on an ink pad.  I took a pic and texted all my friends.  I whispered to Mark to go and look at him but not to say a word.  Mark walked into the kitchen and said, "What is that?"  really not knowing (yet) and Christian replied, "I don't know.  But it doesn't work very good."

When he was done he put the cap on and put it back.

Grossest thing ever.

I sent the text to Dad and Deb.  Poor Dad called a few days later to see if that was a recently used test.  He was hoping for Baby #4.

*Side note: When I was cleaning out the cabinet I was talking to Liv and told her I didn't know where to put the used pregnancy tests.  She said, "In the trash!" 

I told her I kept one from each baby and didn't want to throw them.  Now I did toss one.

This may be God's way of saying Keep on tossing Kelly!