A few one liners that I've heard around here in the last couple days:
"Mom, I'm having a difficult time deciding what I want to be when I grow up. I have it narrowed down between a fireman and a paleontologist. I just want to help people." - Victoria
You know your kid gets hurt a lot when you hand him a popsicle and he says, "Oh, that's the same kind I had last time I got kicked in the face," then calmly walks away. - Christian
While whispering in the Denny's women's restroom: "Move up closer Buddy." He doesn't move. Again I repeat, "Move up a little closer Buddy." He replies loudly, "It's just a LITTLE penis ok, Mom? It won't get any closer!" I can hear stifled giggles from the stall next to us.